DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
