I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
