she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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