Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
