I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
