Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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