omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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