Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
