I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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