There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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