Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize