She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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