I hate all girls vehemently.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I want is dick and wine.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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