the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
