If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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