Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
