Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
