I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
