True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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