i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
