just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
