Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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