On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
