yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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