I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
