If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
