I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
