Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
