My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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