Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
