So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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