You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
