My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
