Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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