There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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