is your mom at the bar?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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