I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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