A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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