he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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