one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
