I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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