Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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