I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is Oprah even human
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
