You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
