I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im holly from the hills drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
