Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize