its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
