Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
