I hate your face
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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