new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
