Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
