Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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