threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
