who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
