dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
