Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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