dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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