You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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