just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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