best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
