i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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