Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
