He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
