the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
