Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
