He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
