you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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